1. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them suddenly collapses. He’s not breathing, and his eyes are glazed over. His friend pulls out his phone, calls 911, and frantically tells the operator, “My friend is dead! What should I do?” The operator says, “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a gunshot. The hunter comes back on the line and says, “Okay, now what?”

2. A seasoned hunter and a newbie are out in the woods. The newbie says, “How come you always manage to bag a deer, but I never do?” The older hunter replies, “You’ve got to understand the mind of the deer. Think like a deer.” The next day, the newbie walks off alone and returns with nothing. “What happened?” the seasoned hunter asks. The newbie says, “Well, I thought like a deer... and got distracted by a nice patch of clover.”

3. A deer and a hunter sit at a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks, “What’s the occasion?” The deer says, “Well, he missed me, so we’re celebrating.” The hunter grumbles, “It was just a warning shot!” The deer smiles and replies, “Yeah, well, next time, aim for the heart, not for my funny bone!”

4. A hunter takes his wife on her first deer hunt. He sets her up in a tree stand and says, “Just wait here, and if you see a deer, shoot!” A few hours later, he hears a shot and rushes over. He finds his wife pointing her rifle at a guy who’s yelling, “Okay, okay! You shot the deer, it’s yours! Just let me take my saddle off first!”

5. A hunter spends hours in the woods without seeing a single deer. Frustrated, he mutters, “This is hopeless.” Suddenly, a deer walks right up to him and says, “You know, you might want to consider taking a shower next time. We can smell you from a mile away.” The hunter, stunned, asks, “You can talk?” The deer laughs and says, “Sure, but only when hunters are this clueless!”

6. Two hunters are talking about their best kills. One says, “I once took down a deer from 300 yards with a single shot.” The other hunter says, “That’s nothing! I took down a deer with one shot, but I was blindfolded, standing on one leg, and it was snowing!” The first hunter says, “Wow, that’s impressive!” The second hunter grins, “Yeah, and the deer was driving a car at the time!”

7. A hunter comes home after a long day in the woods and says to his wife, “I think I’m getting better at this! I saw a deer today!” She rolls her eyes and replies, “Seeing isn’t the problem, it’s the shooting part that needs work.”

8. A hunter is out tracking a big buck when he stumbles across a talking deer. The deer says, “I’ll let you shoot me, but only if you can answer one riddle.” The hunter agrees. The deer asks, “What’s brown, has four legs, and likes to play hide and seek?” The hunter thinks for a moment and says, “A deer?” The deer laughs and says, “Exactly! And guess what? You’re not very good at the game!”

9. A hunter is bragging to his friend, “I once shot a deer from so far away, it took the bullet a week to get there!” His friend replies, “Oh yeah? I once shot a deer so fast, the bullet was waiting for the deer when it arrived!”

10. Two hunters are walking through the woods. One says, “I sure hope I don’t get lost out here.” The other replies, “Don’t worry, I brought my GPS.” The first hunter looks puzzled and asks, “What’s that stand for?” His buddy responds, “Gonna Point and Shoot!”

Two hunters, Bob and Joe, head out early in the morning to their favorite spot deep in the woods. They set up camp, and after hours of waiting, Joe finally spots a big buck in the distance. Joe whispers, “Bob, it’s your shot!” Nervously, Bob raises his rifle, but right as he’s about to pull the trigger, his phone rings. Startled, the buck dashes off into the woods. Joe, frustrated, says, “Why didn’t you put your phone on silent?” Bob shrugs, “I did, but it’s my wife’s ringtone. Even the deer know when to run!”

Joe sighs, “Next time, tell her you’re hunting!” Bob replies, “I tried! She said, ‘Well, if you’re not back with a deer by noon, you’re the one getting mounted on the wall!’”